hair loss

I've noticed something funny lately. My hair's been falling out, and I don't know why. Now don't get all of these horrific images in your mind - you can't tell from looking at me that anything is wrong. But over the course of a few months my hair has subtly been getting thinner. The amount of strands that come out each day in the shower has been more plentiful, and I feel like I have less of it to have to style each day.

I'm a girl with finely textured hair with a slight wave, and in my teens through early 20's it was quite thick. I know it's normal for a gal's hair to change, and so I didn't spend too much time freaking out (which I often do), when that thickness began to shift away. The exception to this aforementioned statement happened in the winter before my 25th birthday, after getting kicked out of law school to face an uncertain future. I felt like life had been sucker-punched me in the stomach. I spent a lot of time staring at myself in the mirror, and panicked at the amount of scalp I saw in my part-line. Ever the dutiful hypochondriac, I promptly made an appointment with a dermatologist who assured me that my hair and scalp looked healthy.

So, this time - 4 years later, I did not freak out so much when it seemed I could easily see my scalp through my hair when I looked in the mirror while holding my head at certain angles. My hypochondria has improved with age. I told myself I would make an appointment with a dermatologist and see what they said.

I walked into the doctor's office feeling secure, but I left feeling shattered. The dermatologist I normally see in the practice was booked until January, so I took whoever they would give me. In walked a young, pretty blond in her doctor's coat and the hot fall '09 trend, black heeled short-boots.

"Good to see you!" she perkily greeted me.

I had never met her before. I first started hearing the term, "good to see you" from people who have just met me when I worked in politics. And so I do not trust it. Hearing someone say, "good to see you" when I am just meeting them sets alarms for me. I find it disgenuine. But anyway, I give everyone a chance so I didn't hold it against her. As I faced her, I contemplated her youth.

"She is my age, or possibly a year or two younger," I thought ruefully.

I told her about what brought me in to her office as I sat on the examining table and she felt around on my head. I couldn't wait for the reassurance. That I am "fine." A word I am so used to hearing doctors tell me. A word that, coming from their lips, brings me so much comfort. I was expecting it. I am also used to my friends and boyfriend telling me I will be "fine." Not taking my complaints seriously because they have heard it all before. I was trying to be easy on this new young dermatologist. Let her know what she was in for with me: "you know...I can be neurotic. I often imagine things-"

"No, I totally see what you mean," she said.

I inhaled sharply, "what?!"

"You have female pattern baldness," she told me bluntly. "I'm glad you came in to see me. You need to use rogaine - the highest strength..."

And with that, my whole world changed.