Hopefullness

So the three days since the dermatologist told me I had female pattern baldness, even though I'm a healthy 29-year-old with no family history of any such thing, have been a wave of emotions. The next day I had a commercial audition. I was so supposed to look cute, but here I was, feeling disgusting. It was frightening for me to apply the rogaine to my scalp where I saw a widening part and small bald spot on the back of my head. I've been going out a lot this week with friends. It's been helping. Unless I go to the bathroom and see my head in the mirror. My boyfriend - who I live with - has also been very supportive and helpful. I saw my primary care physician Friday morning, to get her opinion. She took a vile of blood from me to test it for possible causes, such as a thyroid condition and hormone imbalance. Surprisingly, she said at least once a week she has someone coming to see her with this concern. But then, "how many people do you see walking around with this problem? Not many." Meaning, often times it is shortlived.

My bf and I got back from dinner and drinks with friends and he saw how concerned I was about my hair. So he got on the internet to do some research for me. I have already done some on my own, but ever since the dermatologist apt. on Wed. I've been overwhelmed. It was helpful to have my significant other do the work for me. As he began to do some research just now, he asked me: "and your not on any new medications?" About a month ago, my primary care Physician prescribed me the Advair inhaler when I complained of shortness of breath. I stopped using it when I noticed my hair coming out. I mentioned the Advair to the dermatologist, but she said it wouldn't affect it. Apparently she was wrong, because when bf googled Advair - hair loss, tons of hits came up. He checked a message board, where hair loss on Advair seemed to be a recurring theme. So...it seems we got to the bottom of it! I will see what my doctor says when my blood panel comes back, but I have a feeling it will be normal. Obviously, I will never use Advair again. I am very grateful to all the individuals who posted on that message board, because hair loss is not listed as a possible side effect to Advair on their website or in their packaging. I'm lucky I didn't actually need the Advair. In the meanwhile, I will continue using rogaine until my hair fully grows back. I feel hopeful.

hair loss

I've noticed something funny lately. My hair's been falling out, and I don't know why. Now don't get all of these horrific images in your mind - you can't tell from looking at me that anything is wrong. But over the course of a few months my hair has subtly been getting thinner. The amount of strands that come out each day in the shower has been more plentiful, and I feel like I have less of it to have to style each day.

I'm a girl with finely textured hair with a slight wave, and in my teens through early 20's it was quite thick. I know it's normal for a gal's hair to change, and so I didn't spend too much time freaking out (which I often do), when that thickness began to shift away. The exception to this aforementioned statement happened in the winter before my 25th birthday, after getting kicked out of law school to face an uncertain future. I felt like life had been sucker-punched me in the stomach. I spent a lot of time staring at myself in the mirror, and panicked at the amount of scalp I saw in my part-line. Ever the dutiful hypochondriac, I promptly made an appointment with a dermatologist who assured me that my hair and scalp looked healthy.

So, this time - 4 years later, I did not freak out so much when it seemed I could easily see my scalp through my hair when I looked in the mirror while holding my head at certain angles. My hypochondria has improved with age. I told myself I would make an appointment with a dermatologist and see what they said.

I walked into the doctor's office feeling secure, but I left feeling shattered. The dermatologist I normally see in the practice was booked until January, so I took whoever they would give me. In walked a young, pretty blond in her doctor's coat and the hot fall '09 trend, black heeled short-boots.

"Good to see you!" she perkily greeted me.

I had never met her before. I first started hearing the term, "good to see you" from people who have just met me when I worked in politics. And so I do not trust it. Hearing someone say, "good to see you" when I am just meeting them sets alarms for me. I find it disgenuine. But anyway, I give everyone a chance so I didn't hold it against her. As I faced her, I contemplated her youth.

"She is my age, or possibly a year or two younger," I thought ruefully.

I told her about what brought me in to her office as I sat on the examining table and she felt around on my head. I couldn't wait for the reassurance. That I am "fine." A word I am so used to hearing doctors tell me. A word that, coming from their lips, brings me so much comfort. I was expecting it. I am also used to my friends and boyfriend telling me I will be "fine." Not taking my complaints seriously because they have heard it all before. I was trying to be easy on this new young dermatologist. Let her know what she was in for with me: "you know...I can be neurotic. I often imagine things-"

"No, I totally see what you mean," she said.

I inhaled sharply, "what?!"

"You have female pattern baldness," she told me bluntly. "I'm glad you came in to see me. You need to use rogaine - the highest strength..."

And with that, my whole world changed.