It's Just Rude

Do you say: “Happy Birthday” when it is your friend’s birthday?
“Thank you” when someone does you a favor?
“Excuse me” when you accidentally bump into someone?

If you consider yourself polite and kind enough for the above mentioned courtesies – then please – acknowledge it when you have just seen an actor you know perform.

Why do certain friends or family just look at me, and not say ANYTHING regarding my performance when I see them after a play? They have come out and bought tickets and sat in the audience to supposedly support me. I only invite people to productions that have entertainment value. Why not go that extra mile and acknowledge that you have just seen me perform? I don’t expect - or even want – flattery. You don’t even have to say: “good job.” Just please acknowledge you just saw me do something onstage. Because when you don’t, I imagine all sorts of horrible things you might have thought of my performance. If someone shows you a picture they painted, or a poem they wrote, don’t you tell them what you thought of it? And even if it isn’t exactly your taste, wouldn’t most people still make some sort of positive comment, especially if it is clear that considerate effort and skill was used to complete it?

Some examples of this are my friend’s boyfriend who smiles blankly after seeing me portray a rape victim. Or my other friend who brings people I have never met to see one of my projects, and afterwards they simply say to me: “Nice to meet you.” Completely ignoring the fact that they just saw me onstage portraying a slutty Christmas tree ornament. Maybe non-actors don’t realize how much work goes into memorizing a script, rehearsing, being brave enough to show an audience a different, and perhaps even a very unflattering and private side of yourself. Recently, however, this post-show indifference occurred when my actor friend Lisa (not her real name) came to see me in a show.

Lisa and I met while working on a play together last year, produced by a theatre company in which we both are members. Back then, the company’s Artistic Director would send an email out to company members after seeing each show, naming the actors he thought stood out in this particular production (a practice he has since stopped). Lisa and I both commiserated when three out of the seven people in our cast were praised in his email. Although we were happy for the three that were mentioned, we felt this act on the part of our company’s Artistic Director to unintentionally discredit our hard work. Lisa even confided in me her disappointment when a friend of hers did not respond positively after a performance. The lack of feedback or words of support stung her. So, imagine my disbelief when Lisa treated me exactly the same way after seeing me in a recent performance.

The play might have been tedious – I admit. There were 20 cast member each performing three monologues, so it was a lot. Some of the monologues were good, some not some good. I know I am a good actress, and I know I did a good job in the show. I met her in the lobby after the show when I was finished getting changed. Her face was haggard, devoid of personality.

"Hi," I exclaimed. The normal reaction is an excited greeting back, a smile, hug, and a "hun you were so good!" Or something along those lines. Instead, Lisa looked tired and stoned faced. She didn't react or say a word to me.

"So...what did you think?" I merrily asked.
"It wasn't the acting that was bad; it was just so...long," she said - still not mentioning anything about my performance.

She was just being honest, some might argue. However, as someone who thinks you should take the appropriate opportunities to make people - especially your friends - feel good, I find this type of behavior incomprehensible.